I'm feeling so sick, someone get me a beer
  My life is a shambles, you know I'm a Queer
  My head it really pounds and pounds
  Records just go round and round
  Mom and Dad - they just hate my guts
  The only girls I know are sluts
  Say I'm deeply troubled
  Oh I shake my head it just ain't so
  Daddy beat me with a hose
  Got kicked out of the Webelos
  Feeling so groovy
  I'm feeling so groovy
  I'm feeling so groovy it sucks
  Phone's disconnected, hey I'll never learn
  Just eleven more months 'til my income tax returns
  I'm really not that dumb you know
  Got lots of beer and Tuinols
  Ran over Rin Tin Tin today
  His Alpo's mine now, hey it's great
  Say I'm deeply troubled
  Oh I shake my head it just ain't so
  Daddy beat me with a hose
  Kicked out of the Webelos
  [Chorus]
  Well I was walking down the street
  With my head held high
  Thinking everything was alright
  When a big fat bird came and shit on my head
  Man that's the story of my life
  Feeling so sick, someone get me a beer
  My life is a shambles, you know I'm Joe Queer
  I'm not really that dumb you know
  Got lots of beer and Tuinols
  Ran over Rin Tin TIn today
  His Alpo's mine now, hey it's great
  Say I'm deeply troubled
  Oh I shake my head it just ain't so
  I've gone completely out of hand
  I want Dan Vapid in my band
  [Chorus]