[Chorus:]
  Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the impaler
  Vlad, Vlad, He could have been a sailor but he's
  Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the impaler
  Vlad, Vlad, He could have been a
  Whaler could have been a Tailor,
  He turned out to be Norman Mailer
  Whoaaoo
  He stepped back and he smoked a joint
  Twenty thousand peasants had to get the point
  Mommy was a hamster,
  Daddy was a jailer
  Real tough childhood for such a fucking failure
  [chorus]
  He's so glad he's Vlad
  When he was a boy, they sent him to the Turks
  But you know they didn't like him because all the Turks were jerks
  When Vlad returned home his wrath for his ancient foe had spurned
  But the ancient art of impalement was something that the boy had learned
  Oh, how he learned
  He learned, they burned and burned and burned
  Rotisseries of corpses turned
  He's so glad, oh he's so glad he's Vlad