Hit the snooze when the 'larm clock rings
   Layin' there doin' that sleepy head thing
   There's a bird out my window spreadin' his wings
   Cheap chirp doin' that sing in'
   Thing I do when I first get up is the coffee thing in my favorite cup
   Or two gets me goin' got things to do
   Let me tell you a thing or two
  
   Ev'rything's a thing if you know what I mean
   You can't do nothin' 'cause there's no such thing
   Some things are big, some things are small
   Some mean a lot, some nothin' at all
   It's all laid out in the scheme of things
   No matter what it is
   Ev'rything's a thing
  
   Off to work in my old Mustang
   Doin' that bumper to bumper thing
   Up ahead a-ring-a-ling-ding-ding
   Some guy's doin' that cell phone
   Thing is the light turns green and he ain't doin' that drivin' thing
   And the thing is about all this, that talkin' thing and drivin' don't mix
  
   Ev'rything's a thing if you know what I mean
   You can't do nothin' 'cause there's no such thing
   Some things are big, some things are small
   Some mean a lot, some nothin' at all
   It's all laid out in the scheme of things
   No matter what it is
   Ev'rything's a thing
  
   If you think this song ain't worth hummin'
   You got another thing... comin'
  
   Ev'rything's a thing if you know what I mean
   You can't do nothin' 'cause there's no such thing
   Some things are big, some things are small
   Some mean a lot, some nothin' at all
   It's all laid out in the scheme of things
   No matter what it is
   Ev'rything's a thing
  
   Ev'rything's a thing
   Ev'rything's a thing